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Photography:  Closer to Love Photography Sweatshirt: c/o Skip N’ Whistle, Shoes:  Anthro, Skirt: Target

I know.  I’m neither skipping, nor whistling.

Is this an accurate representation of my life right now?  Some days, yes.  Some days, no!  But I’ve learned to cherish these simple pleasures whenever they present themselves.  A walk through the leaves with my family.  A tiny hand that reaches for mine.  A babe whose eyes light up upon seeing my face.   A day when I’m wearing real clothes and makeup.

I’ve had these moments lately when I question what on earth I’m doing and how I can take another step.  In the heavy darkness I hear my boy grunt  for me.  I roll over drifting back to sleep because “that can’t be for me…..”  The next shriek quickly awakens me  to reality and brings him back into my arms.  Holding a sleepy nursing baby is what these arms were made for.  This is my life right now.  I’m incredibly blessed.

 


I stopped reading how to be a better mom books right after I had my first child, Selah.

Before having children I imagined myself an endless supplier of love.  I imagined what it would feel like cuddle my baby to sleep, breathing in her baby scent and nuzzling her peach fuzzy head against my chest.  I determined I would speak to her tenderly, and discipline her in love always.  I daydreamed about the day she would be old enough to go on planned adventures.  We were going to have so.much.fun.

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And then she was born.  And then my romanticized view on motherhood came toppling down around me.

Since having my second child, my perspective on motherhood is a bit more realistic.   I DO believe motherhood is a skill that can be learned and developed, which made me rethink my ban on being a better mom books.  So I made it a goal to set some time aside to read up on the topic again.

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But I didn’t feel like a good mother at all.  A good mother doesn’t wake up with a feeling of dread or anxiety about being left alone all day with her baby and toddler.  A good mother doesn’t go to bed with the house in shambles, let her children watch TV so she can have a minute to herself, serve frozen pizza for dinner, or any of the other myriad offenses I committed on more than one occasion.  And I admit it:  I didn’t always like being the mom.  I mean, I loved my children, but I didn’t always like the work associated with being their mother.  And don’t good mothers love what they do?  //Allyson Reynolds, Deliberate Motherhood

Okay.  There is a ton of helpful, practical advice from over 60 mothers in this book, Deliberate Motherhood.  I especially enjoyed the sections on how to foster individuality, waking up with intention for each day, finding balance, organization, and cultivating optimism.  I was super encouraged and I plan on implementing some of these things in my life.  But you know what?  I found myself drawn to stories like the one above.  Because it confirms that:
1.  I’m not crazy for feeling like this sometimes, and
2.  I’m not the only one who feels this way.  I mean, there is at LEAST one other person who feels this way and she decided to put it in a book.

I’m always careful about the stories I post on my blog.  I never want my children one day read a post about them and walk away feeling anything but loved and cherished.  That is truly how I feel about them and I hope they feel it every single day.  That being said, I feel I would be doing them a disservice if I wasn’t honest about my struggles.  (I mean, I’ll share with them when they are older and have families of their own.)

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So Selah and Duke if you ever happen to read this down the road, please know that Mama loves you with all her heart.  But man on man, there are days when I feel I’m treading water.  There are days when I don’t have joy or fulfillment in motherhood.  But Honeylamb, Duke-boy, I love you more than I can adequately express!  I’m honored I was chosen to be your mama.

 


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Hi Guys, this sweet dress is now $19.95, marked down from $148.  There are still a wide range of sizes available, and it got great reviews on Anthropologie!  Hope you guys have an awesome weekend.  Travis and Selah are going off roading and camping, so I have a little time to relax with Duke.  Funny how having a 2 month old by myself for a few days is now considered relaxing!  My how times have changed.





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Cardigan: Gifted from Ever+Mi Crush, Necklace: Gifted from Pink Lemonade, Skirt: Target

Normal day, let me be aware of the treasure you are. Let me learn from you, love you, bless you before you depart. Let me not pass you by in quest of some rare and perfect tomorrow. Let me hold you while I may, for it may not always be so. One day I shall dig my nails into the earth, or bury my face in the pillow, or stretch myself taut, or raise my hands to the sky and want, more than all the world, your return. // Mary Jean Iron

Isn’t that the truth? I’ve been treasuring up these normal days in my heart.

Such an exhausting-

so joyful my heart might burst-

sometimes lonely-

but I’m never alone-

season.

 


Starting a new feature called snippets which is just a collection of  photos taken throughout the week.  I hope you enjoy these snippets of our lives!

 

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Pure joy right there.

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I’m starting to write more letters.

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We talk a lot.  He gets me.

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Treasure from the front yard.

 

 


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How  was your long weekend?  We were just trying to keep it cool over here in the 100+ degree weather.  And nothing says cool like a vintage sailor outfit that matches your sister’s dress.  Nothing.

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He makes my heart go pitter patter.

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Oh, and in case you missed it on Instagram, I have a crazy story about this outfit!  Some sweet woman was admiring Duke.  Her son who is now 25 used to have the same sailor suit.   She had just cleaned out some boxes of old clothes to donate to the Goodwill.  Well wouldn’t ya know, I just happened to pick this up at the…you guessed it….Goodwill!  This used to be her sons!  I don’t really believe in coincidences.  I think for some reason this was some sort of divine appointment.  She was pretty delighted and blown away seeing Duke in that outfit, I tell ya what.  I would have stuck around to engage her a bit more, but I had just broken my toe.  Literally broke my toe, people.  And Duke was recovering from a meltdown.  And we were all starving because of Duke’s meltdown. Turns out we get pretty self conscious when it comes to screaming babies and restaurants.

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Aaand moving on to other news on the home front.  This is a more realistic picture of what OUR weekend looked like.  One sickie girl and one naked baby boy.  I admit I love the extra cuddles and the way she lets me run my fingers through her hair when she’s under the weather.  She slept in our bed for the first time since she was an infant.  My independent girl likes her own room and crib, so it was a special treat to have her reach across the bed and touch my hand before we both drifted off the sleep.